Try Explaining THIS to Sakura
by Lolerskatez
Summary: It’s never a good thing to wake up in a hotel bed with your worst-enemy-slash-best-friend. It’s even worse to wake up in bed with him naked. SasuNaruSaku
1. Breakfast in Bed

**Disclaimer!** I don't own Naruto. Believe it!

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**Prompt One;; Breakfast in Bed**

It's never a good thing to wake up in a hotel bed with your worst-enemy-slash-best-friend.

It's even worse to wake up in bed with him… _naked_.

"…"

"…"

"… Hn. This is a compromising situation."

Naruto wasn't exactly the most eloquent ninja in the world, but even _he_ could've come up with something better than that. (And he did, in the form of screaming, kicking, and falling out of the double bed they were sharing.)

"Wh-what the hell! Get away from me you… you creeper!" The blonde yelled, scrambling to cover himself with what little there was, but also keep his no-longer-virgin eyes free of the sight of Sasuke's… _assets_, to say the least.

"Don't you think you're over-reacting, _dobe_?" The surprisingly cavalier ninja asked, sitting up and letting the white sating sheets fall from his sculpted torso. This just made Naruto inadvertently break out into a cold sweat and dive under the bed in search of his lost boxers.

"_Over-reacting_??" The blonde yelled from below him. "You're naked! I'm naked! We're both _naked_!"

"Good observation; were you expecting a treat and a belly rub?"

Naruto growled in frustration. "Shut up, you bastard!" He yelled, sifting past the empty vodka bottles and wrinkled clothes on the floor. A sigh was heard from on top of the bed and Sasuke's head appeared in front of Naruto upside-down.

"Come out," he said from the edge of the bed.

"_GYAHHH! STOP LOOKING AT ME, YOU PERV!_" The blonde grabbed the clothes and, not caring whether it was his or not—or even if he put it on right, for that matter—proceeded to throw the clothes on with a vigor and speed that even Rock Lee would've been jealous of.

The vein in Sasuke's head throbbed. Sometimes (okay, a lot of the time), Naruto was as prissy as a girl.

"What will it take for me to get you out from under there?" The Uchiha asked, back to sitting up on the bed again.

"Nothing! I'll never come out, no matter what you do to me! You hear me?? Nev—!"

"How about breakfast in bed?"

"…"

"…"

A lazy smile spread across Sasuke's chiseled features as Naruto climbed out wearing a pair of red-and-white striped boxers and a white Oxford shirt (that, of course, was on backwards).

"I like my eggs scrambled," was all the blonde said. He was avoiding Sasuke's gaze and was obviously nervous as hell. The onyx-eyed ninja just smirked and stood up to go keep his end of the deal. Naruto did a double-take at him and screamed.

"FOR GOD'S SAKE, PUT ON SOME DAMN CLOTHES!"

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**A/N: **This one's for Stacie, AxelsWaterBaby's little sister who I love to bits and pieces. Hope you like how it started, dahlink, for there's more to come! 8D


	2. Cigarettes

**Disclaimer! **Uh… Yeah, if I owned Naruto, he'd top every once in a while. :P

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**Prompt Two;; Cigarettes**

Four eggs, six slices of bacon, and three cups of coffee later (Naruto had two, of course), two polar opposites were sitting across from each other, the only thing between them being the crumb-laden plates and the awkward silence that seemed to poison the air.

"So…" The blonde breathed, trying to fill the air with something _other_ than the sound of him shaking in his shoes. "What exactly _happened_ last night?"

The smirk was back on Sasuke's face as he rested his chin on the backs of his hands and said, "Ignorance is bliss, _dobe_."

Naruto's eyes widened as everything from last night hit him like a bullet train.

—_burned his throat as lips found his, the taste of alcohol prevalent. The lips trailed down to his neck, a strong hand pulling Naruto's head back by his hair. His breath hitched; his captor knew what he was doing._

"_Wh-what about Sakura's birthday party?" The blonde slurred between staggered breaths. "What is she finds us?"_

_The lips stopped and he could feel them forming into that ever-present smirk before a pair of bright red eyes leered into his cerulean ones._

"_Ignorance is bliss," said the voice and the rest, as they say, was history._

The blonde slammed his head onto the table. "This isn't possible!" He whined, banging the table with his fist. "There's no way in hell I just… I just…" He whipped his head up and glared at Sasuke. "_You!_" He said accusingly. "This is all _your_ fault!"

"Don't blame me just because you're a lightweight, _dobe_," the Uchiha said, sipping his coffee calmly. "I just took the first opening I saw."

"… _Huh?_"

A sigh escaped from Sasuke's lips as he set down the mug and looked Naruto dead in the eyes. "I'll be blunt; yes, I got you drunk so I could take advantage of you, but in my defense, you all but stopped me in our fits of—"

"OKAY. WOAH. TOO MUCH INFORMATION."

"But you see my point here?"

The blonde groaned. "But _why me??_ Why not Shika? He's naturally lazy! You could've had your way with him and he'd probably just fall asleep or something afterwards when you—!"

Sasuke smirked yet again. "To be honest, I'm all but addicted to you, _dobe_. You're just my brand of nicotine."

"…"

"…"

"… You _so_ got that from Twilight, you pansy."

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**A/N: **That's right, munchkin; I snuck that Twilight reference in there just for you. [Or at least, I _think_ it's a Twilight reference; I can never remember how half of the stuff in that book go. :P] Anyway, merry Christmas, happy New Year, AND I'M GONNA GO WORK ON SHIKATEMA NAO. 8Db


	3. Lung Cancer

**Disclaimer! **If I owned Naruto, even _he_ wouldn't believe it! *is shot for her lame attempt at a joke*

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**Prompt Three;; Lung Cancer**

"NARUTO UZUMAKI! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU BAILED ON ME! ON MY _BIRTHDAY_, OF ALL DAYS!" Sakura yelled. It was half past one, and they were situated on the road in front of the hotel Naruto had just exited.

"I didn't bail! Believe it!" The blonde said, trying to lighten up the mood, despite the fact that he _knew_ his death at the hands of his rage-filled girlfriend was imminent.

"Oh, really?" She scoffed, crossing her arms. "Then how come when I tried to look for you last night, Lee said he hadn't even seen you come in!" It wasn't a question; it was a statement.

"I, er, I got caught up!" Naruto said, scratching the back of his head with one hand, the other behind his back. "Uh… Um… Here! Happy birthday!" He said, shoving the box he'd concealed behind his back at her. Sakura's rage immediately melted away she glanced at the box, half-curious, half-still-pretty-miffed.

"What is it?" She asked like it was nothing.

"Open it and find out!" Naruto said with a smile. He watched as she snatched the box out of his outstretched palm and slowly, but surely, opened the blue velvet box.

"Oh, Naruto, it's beautiful!" She exclaimed at the white gold and diamond tennis bracelet. "Thank you so much!" Sakura threw her arms around him and kissed his face. Naruto breathed an internal sigh of relief. He made a mental note that if Sakura was ever mad at him, all he had to do was buy her some jewelry and she'd forget all about it.

…

_At this rate, I'll be broke before the week's up,_ he thought, mentally slapping his palm to his forehead.

The couple was unaware that someone was watching them. Unaware that someone had followed Naruto out undetected. Onyx eyes glanced from the ninjas to the ground, their emotion changing from anger to embarrassment and finally to apathy. He knew that Naruto was untouchable. He knew that loving him would be the death of him.

It's common knowledge that if you smoke cigarettes, you'll get lung cancer.

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**A/N: **Anyone get the symbolism here? _Anyone?_ Oh, and if I get enough reviews tell me so, I think I might extend this into a series, but only if you guys want me to. :S


	4. Confrontations

**Disclaimer! **If I owned Naruto, Itachi would still be alive. D: (He kicked some major ass AND he painted his nails. 'Nuff said.)

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**Prompt Four;; Confrontations**

"… Naruto."

The blonde nearly gagged on the noodles he'd been slurping down at the sound of his name coming from _those_ lips. Oh, how they'd haunted him ever since that less than pleasant encounter two weeks ago. Since then, Naruto had taken every precaution to avoid the raven-haired ninja; he'd changed his walking route so that he didn't come within twenty yards of the Uchiha manor (sure, it took him longer to get home after training, but anything to stay away from that… that _pansy!_), he didn't go to any parties that said pansy was invited to, hell, he didn't even use the guy's _name_.

So imagine his surprise when, just when he thought he was in the clear, Sasuke appeared right next to him at Ichiraku's.

That's right. Instantaneous death.

"GYAHHHH!" Naruto screamed, falling over backwards off his stool. Before the blonde could even _think_ about squirming away, he felt a foot land on his torso, pinning him to the ground with no chance of escape.

"L-let go of me! Don't make me go ninja on your ass!" Naruto yelled, causing a scene, much to Sasuke's dismay.

"I just want to talk," the Uchiha said in a near monotone.

"NO! YOU WON'T TAKE ME ALIVE! RAPE! RAAAA—!"

_WHAM!_

Sasuke slung the unconscious blonde over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and walked off as if he hadn't just broken a stool over Naruto's head.

The room was quiet. Too quiet. Cerulean eyes looked around, but could see nothing outside of the illuminated circle of light from the lamp above. Gagged and bound to a chair, all Naruto could do was wait for something—or in this case, someone—to come and free him.

"I'll make this very quick, _dobe_." A voice said. "I understand that you're in a committed relationship with Sakura." The voice made itself known as Sasuke stepped into the circle. "And I understand that you care about her a lot and vice versa. I'm not a homewrecker; I won't bother you anymore if that's what you really want." All through this speech, Naruto was wriggling and screaming something behind the gag. Sasuke sighed exasperatedly and ripped the tape off.

"What is it?"

"First off," the blonde said, "FUCK. That really hurt! Second, where the hell are we??"

"Did you even hear _anything_ I just said?"

"Shut up and answer the question, you bastard!"

A sigh escaped the onyx-eyed ninja's lips as he flipped on the lights, illuminating the room.

"… We're in your house, _do_—!" Sasuke was cut off by a sound coming from the front door.

_Knock knock knock!_

…

_Knock knock KNOCK!_

…

_BAM!_

The door to Naruto's flat was slammed open, only to reveal empty cartons of milk, cups of ramen, and the occasional pair of underwear, in the soulless apartment.

"… Eh?" Sakura said, her rage melting to reveal curiosity. She entered the flat and sifted around, looking for any sign of the knucklehead ninja.

"Naruto, where are you?" She called out, hoping for something.

"… Ah, Sakura," a voice said. The medical nin turned around only to be met with a familiar pair of onyx-colored eyes.

"Oh! Sasuke!" She said, genuinely surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"I… er—!"

"GET BACK HERE YOU DUCK BASTARD!" Naruto seethed, ropes hanging off his arms.

What happened next really only took place within a matter of seconds, but to the three ninjas, seemed to occur in slow motion. The blonde lunged at Sasuke, but Sasuke, being the smarter of the two, simply side-stepped the headlong attack, resulting in Naruto flying _out_ of his desecrated front door, _down _the stairs that led up to the apartment, and on his face when gravity decided to take pity on the poor guy. A pained moan was heard from the stairwell as Sasuke and Sakura both looked at each other with equally shocked expressions. A moment went by of sheer silence before Sakura said;

"Sasuke, I think you've got some explaining to do."

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**A/N: **Hello, my lovely harem~ Roxie here, and I'd just like to say thank you for all the support you guys have given me because I have officially reached 1100+ hits for my stories! Sure, it's not a lot compared to some other things, but it made me happy. To celebrate, I'm thinking about holding a contest of sorts. There'll be prizes in the form of first prize gets a series of 15 ficlets of any pairing of their choice, second gets 10, third gets 5, and maybe some ficlets for just being awesome. 8D If you're interested, just go to my profile, follow the homepage link and find the post that says something along the lines of "Celebratory Contest!" (The number of ficlets in the series is subject to change, but only in the general upward movement because I like to bribe people. 8Db)


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